Wall Street Humour

Q. Whats the difference between a pigeon and a Wall Street Investment Banker?

A. A pigeon can still put a deposit on a Ferrari !

Q. Whats the Capital of Iceland?

A. 5 Euro !

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor
to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no
allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their
pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your
assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been
disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears
down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker
for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the
sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now
locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use

You'd think people would have been reluctant to invest their money with a chap called Madoff. He certainly MADeOFF with their money !!!

Todays Stock Market:

Helium was up.
Feathers were down.
Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
Knives were up sharply.
Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit a rock bottom.
Diapers remained unchanged.
The market for raisins dried up.
Coca Cola fizzled.
Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
Sun peaked at midday.
Balloon prices were inflated.
And . . .
Tissue touched a new 'bottom'!

I went to the ATM machine at my local bank the other day.

It said "Insufficient Funds".

I thought, Is that me or the bank? !!!